I Solemnly Swear That I Made It Up

Obsolution

2011-08-22T09:41:00.004+05:30

They were the nicest, most popular things known to mankind, but they were now obsolete. The only memories they left behind were those that pertained to a vague feeling of comfort and the slight cravings for hot cocoa on a rainy day. Left to fend for themselves, they retired a long time ago to the safety of their log cabins in the mountains, condemned forever to an existence that went on and on, and only reminded them of their glamourous heydays and their once top-dog position.

"It was different back then," our source says, on condition of anonymity "Money was no object as long as men, women and children were happy and at ease. Now, these newfangled stilettos and whatnot make them rethink the wisdom of investing in something this long lasting."

'Tis a pity, but 'tis true.

In the crowds of skinny jeans and mini skirts, hotpants and whatever else that shows off curves to the best advantage, where is the place for someone sporting ye good olde scruffy, bulky albeit comfy-as-hell jeans?

She fades into the background regardless of who she's with, because, undeniably, them that wear all those other things are hotter than she can hope to be.

They bring up desires that have lain dormant. They make you want to flirt, to talk to people more easily, be the stud that that dude is.

She doesn't even bother to fight it. It's called resignation, she's an old hand.

The oldbluejeans community in the mountains open their arms to her. She and others like her, and them oldies will continue to live a seemingly endless life hidden away from the cut-throat world outside.

Mobilization

2011-05-21T13:15:00.003+05:30

Underground, the armies assembled.

The had already split up into their battalions and were positioned according to the instinctively formed battle plans of the higher command.

Above them, huge trees twisted and contorted and tossed their heads in strange ways. The rumbling had already begun in the distance..

This couldn't have been more perfectly arranged if it had been staged in front of a green screen.

The perfect setting, timing... It was coming.

The humans were exulting in their accurate predictions, little knowing that they'd known about this day forever, underground..

They'd been training for the day that they would finally survive the human race. And then the centuries, the millennia of being crushed and swatted and trampled and sprayed at would all be made up for. Their antennae twitched in excited anticipation, their exoskeletons gleamed.

It was coming.

Brace Yourself.

2011-05-16T22:49:00.003+05:30

"Terrible things happen here when the sun goes down."

The old man started giggling, silently shaking with mirth. "Ahh you socially challenged creature-of-God, little you know about this place.."

The squirrel squeaked in protest. "What d'you mean, you old dingbat? Quit laughing at me!"

The old man was sitting on the ground, leaning against a large rock that was probably once a milestone, and almost crying with laughter. His constant companion sighed and decided to wait. Not like he had a choice... Eventually, the old man stopped his creepy, silent tryst with merriment. He patted the squirrel on the back and sniffed loudly. "You really think that the morning light brings with it safety, peace and joy?"

Wilbur, the squirrel scratched at an itch on his head and shrugged as only a squirrel can. " 'Swhatisaid, senile old coot."

The old man sighed and rubbed Wilbur's head with the side of his hand. "Come.."

They strolled along the empty streets, Wilbur on the old man's head, looking like the oddest pair.

The old man stopped in front of a respectable-looking office building. Wilbur looked around in confusion. "You need a map, old man? Or did you forget we were talking about freaky things happening here?"

The old man smiled. "Patience, little one"

He glanced at his watch and looked around at sky-level. "There... Can you see that open window? There's an hour yet before dark.. Go."

Wilbur squeaked in annoyance and leaped off the old man's head and ran up the building, muttering to himself. "He picks now to decide to empower me. After all this effort.. Huh."

He reached the window the old man had picked out, and sneaked in.

The old man was waiting under the window like a faithful chauffeur. So, when a furry streak of lightning shot out of the window, and nearly plummeted to the ground, the old man deftly caught it and soothed the shaking, speechless Wilbur.

That night, after a soothing meal, when Wilbur was curled up in the old man's shirt pocket, still in shock, the old man took out a card and looked at it quietly, his teeth throbbing in protest. The moon shone on the plastic paint of the words: 'Dr. Twitch, Dentist. Working hours: Sunrise to sunset.'

Indulgence

2011-03-13T18:49:00.000+05:30

She walked into the room, and he felt it. He looked up, and miracle of miracles, he spotted her over the heads of all those people who towered feet above her head.

He smiled. She looked tired. But she was smiling. She’d not be smiling if she wasn’t feeling good about the test she’d just given.

‘I should wait. I should study.’ He chanted, over and over again to himself. But he couldn’t stay put. He felt himself float through the crowd and head over to where she stood. “Hello.”

The smile and the look on her face was enough to make it worth it.

She looked at him and felt the pain in her arm fade away. Her head had been heavy since she woke up, but now, she felt better. Her eyes didn’t hurt anymore, her feet didn’t feel leaden. It was as if the painkillers of the world were forming a cloak around her. She knew it wasn’t medication, though. It was all because of him. The feel of his hand on her back was her personal Patronus. Being with him made her so happy.

Being without him, Hellish as it was, caused a little insane flame of joy to begin fluttering somewhere inside her. She missed him like crazy, but at least she could miss him. That little touch of his hand, the arm around her shoulder, it was enough to make all the worries disappear, like a personalized ‘Hakuna Matata’.

She’d seen him see her as she entered, and she’d mentally started the tick-tock, the internal stopwatch that began the now, automatic countdown of time she had left with him. She’d calculated on maybe a minute alone with him, had counted on another week without being able to hold him.

Apparently, the want could do crazy things to a person. There were so many niches they’d made their own, so many memories, now, to haunt her when he wasn’t around.

She was on her way home now. She had been revived, sustained for another bout by the lingering feeling of his breath on her neck, his hand on her waist.

She missed him already. But she knew he missed her too.

But the paranoia, God, the paranoia never let her forget that he was so much more than she deserved. He was brilliant, and an amazing person and he cared about her..

It was too good to be true.

And she was petrified of the day the dream would end..

The Drug - Part II

2011-03-03T19:12:00.000+05:30

If one assumes that the hypothesis that ‘something changed’ stands true, the next step would be to find out exactly what it was that was not the same as before.

Nothing about the subject or her surroundings was changed from the year before. What possible reason was there for her to suddenly be "in a better place"?

These karmic, mystical explanations for life don't hold much water. There's always a factual explanation.

So, in an effort to get to the bottom of things, we decided to stalk our subject. And I noticed one particular difference from the many years before. But that made even lesser sense than when we were uninformed.

There was, apparently, someone who she was interested in. Who seemed, inexplicably, interested in her. We figured he was under a spell, and in my mind, I'd already begun searching for titles for a paper on love potions and voodoo. What other possible reason could he have for spending the inordinate amounts of time with her that he did?

Believe me, this was the subject of my investigation for a long time. NOT the most captivating company, that girl. But after looking at the two of them together, we were forced to accept that there were no such elements.

This was more baffling than anything yet. So this boy, good looking, well-read, intelligent, well liked, he was interested in THIS specimen of humanity??

He was under no compulsion to display interest. So he was in this out of choice.

It made no sense.

Then we met this creature who used the same old line on me: "I've been watching you"

From someone barely a foot high, it missed its mark of menace rather entirely. But I humoured her and asked her why she'd been watching me.

She offered to explain if not why he was interested in her, why she was "In a better place". It was an offer I couldn't refuse. Sources are always welcome in my line of work.

The creature began to talk...

"Right, so this dimwit girl, right? She's the last person I'd expect him to fall for, so don't ask me why and all. I'm disappointed. He's adorable and so thoughtful; he's like the perfect boy. But anyway, they expressed interest in each other a few months ago and, well, it seems to be sticking."

I wondered if it were right to assume that, but the creature pointed to the wooden plank she was sitting on, and told us that she was guarding against her jinxing it.

"Yeah, it's this human custom. Seems to work. Anyway, so these two. Her, actually. She's petrified that he's too good for her. She might be right. I'm not saying anything. Point being, I've never seen her so happy. She doesn't crib about getting out of bed at insanely early hours of the day; she's in better moods than ever before. She's never been so eager to improve herself than lately, and she seems to really care about this boy. If all she says is true, she feels safe when she's with him. He makes her feel like the bad is worth it, coz the good should come soon, and it might involve him. He balances her crazy (God knows how he stands that crazy) with his calm. She might know it already, but he makes her see the common sense she tends to ignore."

I made some observations as to how this boy seems to be giving more than he's getting and how that' hardly seems fair. She agreed. "Yeah, it's true. He's really tamed her. No tantrums, no whining, no crazed, angsty decisions to regret later. She's more patient than I've ever seen her before. I feel bad for the boy."

By this time, we had finished our beverages, and we had decided to give up this case as a lost cause. My first. I didn't like how that felt. But I really couldn't reach a conclusion beyond "She's been affected by this boy, who works like magic, or a miracle drug. He makes it all better."

And that, I cannot accept. My mind won't wrap around it too well.

While departing, I asked the creature who she really was and her reply astounded me further.

"Her fairy godmother. God knows, she needed one. I found him for her."

And away she flitted.

Humans and their support structures are strange.

Part I - Guardian Angel

2011-03-01T22:47:00.000+05:30

I mentally tick off my list of things to do for the next day.

Oh man... I'm forgetting something... I know I am.

Wait.

I pull out my awesome diary from my bag. I love my bag, but it's going to be so heavy tomorrow when I have to put it on my back. And it's raining. I know I have my beautiful umbrella, but the rain's so bugging, man. Everything gets wet! Can't have that, I have to carry my laptop!! It's pretty.. I don't want it to die!

Anyway. So there's the pol lecture early in the morning. Should be easy to get through, it wasn't one I needed to pay much attention in. It was going to be our weekly gossip session, anyway, since the staircases tended to be rather crowded these days what with all those boxes and all that equipment travelling up and down.

I couldn't wait to hear the child's next ridiculous, love-lorn, amusing tale. She was such fun, so much entertainment, her life. Or this part, anyway.

And yeah, I needed to buy more stationary. And then make those calls that nobody else seems to be making.

Oh yeah, and then, in break, head to *insert name of department here* and deal with them, and then at 11am, head to *insert random meeting here* and find out what they want.

FC.. God, those people.. How could they function being so bubble-protected?! Dexter couldn't do it, and they think they can!

Oooh! Cartoon Network stuff.. Such classics. Nahi toh, now..

Waitaminute. Where's my pencil? Aaaargh!!! Sikandar stole my pencil! And I'm sure he's lost it. It was my NICE pencil. I miss it..

Must take *insert item of use* for *insert any name you please* so that they live happier lives. Must call *insert name of person* and see if s/he is alright, s/he didn't seem okay earlier, I hope it was nothing and all's good.

Also need to know everything rationally, be able to discuss rationally, and still not be a piss off like CERTAIN people.

Must be nice to the world.

Must make people realise the error of their ways, how to be better people, how to make the world a better place.

Must make *insert name, along with something you don't do, but should do to ensure better quality of life*

*Godly voice of blogger*

You're a dream-come-true. Watch out, phone bill, it's going to die next year with all the constant texting and replying that happens.

Much love.

Her and It?

2010-09-05T18:21:00.000+05:30

She'd lost it all.

She sat in front of a blank screen, fingers poised over the keyboard, and nothing. She couldn't remember anything, she couldn't think.

Vocabulary flew out of memory, or into very deep recesses. She looked around, nothing.

All she could hear were stifled whispers as she roamed the deserted streets of her mind, looking desperately for someone to come help.

She looked into open doorways that looked like they mocked her by the emptiness within. She hopefully peeped under rocks, maybe she'd get someone with little creative hiding options. Anything would do at this point, she really needed to get this work done!

Suddenly, arms came out of nowhere, making her freeze in place. Oh. Damn. This wouldn't help, but Oh, God, how good it was.

She decided that since the search for coherence was futile anyway, why look a gift horse in the mouth? Bliss awaits.

She smiled at the screen and thought back.

He was an amazing person, he knew just what to say and do to make her feel instantly better, but he wasn't perfect, which was brilliant. She'd have been too afraid of his being way out of her league than he already was.

She was rediscovering her die-hard romantic side. And she wasn't minding much.

War poetry

2010-08-31T22:18:00.000+05:30

The transistor belted out speech after speech about the same old things.

Patriotism, valour, war, death and more death.

It was supposed to be encouraging, it was supposed to inspire those left at home to go on with life. The crackling electrical surge that was passing, characteristic of those times, sighed in despair. These two-legged creatures were so strange. They sent their men away even though they didn't want them to go. The men went to this 'front' even though they were scared of never coming back. They all hid their true feelings, only the children catching the mood and crying, a mixture of fear and confusion.

The surge had travelled all over the warring world. It had seen the same scenario everywhere. It had seen the late night despair of the young men, little more than children, in the trenches, it had felt the deep, hidden anguish of every telegram, every letter home. It picked up what the ears of creatures attuned to the highest frequencies missed. It passed the silent tears of futility, the blank silences of surety on the airwaves. It was affected, it was deeply scarred, but unlike these humans, it was doomed to go on forever. It would never get to die.

Indecipherable Gibbering

2010-08-01T03:04:00.001+05:30

She knew she was directly disregarding the don't count your chickens and the don't push your luck diktats. But how could she help it?

It was all that was tempting and adorable.

She knew she'd have hell to face at home, but looking into those adorable brown eyes she couldn't forget them and move on in life.

He was the most distracting and attractive creature she'd met in all her years as yet. She wasn't discounting the fact that he was obscenely young, but that held for her a certain charm of its own. She could see he was a sentient creature, he showed all the signs. He was everything she'd dreamed she'd one day have.

She let down her guard. It was too late anyway, it had been too late from the second she'd laid eyes on him. She knew that people were going to make a huge fuss.

"I just won't tell" She decided.

It didn't work out longer than the first person she met. She grinned from ear to ear as those she trusted, whether related to the case or not, flashed her two thumbs up or thereabouts.

She spent the days and nights thinking about how she could spend the most time with him, how she could make him happier.

As people cooed at her new kitten, Alisha went back home and slept. She slept off all that was left of her earlier azurity (it's a word, alright, it means 'light hidden blueness') and woke to find him loyally at her side.

She was in love.

Something

2010-05-12T10:36:00.000+05:30

She'd lie abed late at night

Just waiting for the right time

Screwing up her eyes real tight

Humming all the best lines

Holding in her hand

An imaginary mic

Facing all the bright lights

She strikes her pose in style.

The beat picks up and pulses through the crowd.

The music running through her veins.

All she hoped for is coming true tonight

Nothing's gonna be the same again.

The sun comes through the window

She stretches like a cat

In her head the music echoes

As she dances through the flat.

It was just like a movie

Her journey to the top

No dream, this is the real deal

Lights flashing, newfound fame

She never wanted to stop

Nothing's gonna be the same again.

Dream Sequence

2010-05-12T10:24:00.001+05:30

So I have this friend

Who has a pretty story

About this boy she's known

All her life.

She told me how they spent

Every summer with each other

Making up for broken dates

And lost time.

And everyone who heard it

Seemed to know just what she meant

You could tell that in their minds

They could see

A different boy in their life

But someone just as special

The only one who drew a blank

Was me.

Who do I turn to when life happens?

And who do I trust to back me up?

Who's the one I know I can

Call without a thought

Who without a doubt can make my tears stop.

Different people, different places

New relationships

And every year a painful goodbye.

I have never known

But always wished

For a somewhat steadier life.

Look at everything they had, and all that they grew up with

It's stuff I thought existed

Just in movies

They take it all for granted, not knowing that my heart

Has yearned for safety blankets

Just like these.

So I listen to her story and I smile as she smiles

Happy that she's happy

With her boy.

I turn back to my books again, wanting and regretting

Hiding all the aching

With a sigh.

I always wonder

I always wish

To know that comfort they do

I always thought

I always hoped

Someday I'd know a boy like that too.

Psych

2010-04-11T15:33:00.000+05:30

Groaning as she got out of bed, she cursed herself for not sleeping earlier.
She’d let her Id take over, hadn’t she? She’d let him make her think that watching the newest flicks online were definitely worth missing a couple couple hours’ sleep over. And now look where it had let her off.
She shook her head to clear it.
No, now it was the Superego.
“Ugh, damnit, leave me to my drowsies, why don’t you?” She wanted to yell at her
Subconscious.
“Hey, come on you guys, leave her be, don’t you think she has enough of a bother to function without you guys butting in?”
She smiled.
Ego. Ahh, Ego. She always knew he’d be there to help her out.
Him and his adorable accent; always fresh, kind and caring.
Was it normal to crush on your subconscious balance?
She couldn’t help it, though.
People had fallen for their shrinks, hadn’t they? It wasn’t a first, it was called something, Stolkholm Syndrome… No, that was different. But anyway, it had been known to happen.
So she could fall for her ego..
“I mean, it’s a Freudian concept, ain’t it? And everyone knows Freud saw the world through hormonally tinted lenses. So I’m like totally sure it’s all fine. No need to worry.”
She sighed as she sank into the waiting arms of her sexy, exotic accented Ego.
My hero…

Fashionista

2010-04-08T00:26:00.000+05:30

It was a beautiful summer day.

Birds chirping, flowers drying in the heat

And she was asleep, thriving.

Dreaming, she felt alive and young.

In reality, her life was coming undone.

She just wanted to go back.

To get back what she’d lost, what she didn’t have.

To never forget this feeling of being born again.

She laughs uncontrollably.

And wipes the tears from her eyes.

She smiles at her moist fingertips.

It was a novelty, a first.

The tears that left her eyes were because of mirth.

She couldn’t remember last when

She’d laughed without any restraint.

She never did anymore.

There was always too much going on.

Her mind always far from empty.

She was sure it was a habit.

She couldn’t seem to stop thinking

Academics, world peace, global warming.

Never more the bliss of ignorance

Bliss was a measure of incompetence

In this newly vicious world.

Always watching their backs.

Competition at every corner

Fighting for everything from breathing space

The new adults come to the front

All ready, trained to bear the brunt

Of the foundation set before

Of working, living life, getting bored.

It’s the new in thing.

Renewal

2010-02-19T00:42:00.000+05:30

The little creepy fairy-person sitting in the window giggles and turns towards me. "This is really funny, why have you humans invented the television? You just need to look at each other's lives."

I grimace at her. "That WOULD be a great idea, only I think we'd notice if we had audience sitting outside our windows, not being blessed with the diminutive stature you possess."

She giggles again and gestures at me "You're hardly one to talk, O large one." She turns back to the window before she could see me sticking my tongue out at her. "Look at this one, for example, she's so lost, it's funny."

I peep in along with her, of course, being deprived of morals as well as stature.

There it is, in full technicolour view, a typical teen tale.

I sigh. "Oh lord, wonder if the guy she's crushing on is really all that she's imagining him to be. You know, chances are that he won't even know enough to open the door for her."

The creepy fairy turns to me with a look of infinite years of evil in her eyes. "Oh that's right, you're human. You can be my subtitles."

I shake my head vehemently "It's a subjective thing"

She holds up her hand "But if that were true, you wouldn't have deciphered what it was so quick. If it fits, just tell me, if not, we'll make things up. Like that television programme you like with the fat man with seeing aids."

"Hey! Drew Carrey need not be referred to like that! Have some respect!" I really like Who's Line.

Creepy fairy waves a careless hand. "You understood what I was talking about is all that matters."

I know that there's another insult to the Carrey somewhere there, but decide to ignore it and tell this creature what she wants to know.

"She's met this guy somewhere, not someone she spends a large amount of time with, in fact, she only meets him a few times a week."

"Wait." She stops me mid-speech. "How can you tell?"

I give her a pitying look. "It's rather easy. Thought you were an expert on human reactions?"

She gives me a dirty look (or as dirty as a gorgeous person can look). "I'm in training. Now will you tell?"

I smirk and then decide to comply. "She's smiling. There's no reason to smile, but there's a smile on her face. There. She realized she was smiling and laughed at herself and tried to get it off her face. She should just accept it's something that's staying for a while and indulge. It's not going anywhere while she's thinking about whoever it is that she's met."

Creepy fairy is hooked already, gazing raptly though the window. I decide to go on.

"She's listening to all the nice, happy, romantic songs she can find! She's just met him, then, and she's in the grips of the early crush syndrome. She's happy-sad right now. Everytime someone mentions him her heart jumps and then plummets because she recalls all that keeps them apart. But the thought of him still makes her smile. She counts days till she sees him again even though they could have.... Oh."

I draw in a breath at the sudden change in the face of the lovesick puppy inside the room we were shamelessly peering into. I know that one.

The fairy turns to me. "What? What happened? What oh?"

I struggle to sound normal "They can't be together. They don't know each other well and he doesn't and can't think of her in a romantic way. She knows it's not possible, she tried to stop falling, but she'd fallen for him before she could catch herself. Now all she can do it live with it, and without him."

I draw in a silent congratulatory breath. That had come out quite decently. My free hand snakes around my suddenly hollow midsection. I don't really want to consider the closeness of this situation to my reality.

The girl in the room is called by someone and after quickly composing herself, she runs from the room leaving me and the fairy-person sort of lost.

"So where did you meet your boy?" She catches me off guard.

"Dance class.. I mean, what boy?" Damn, she's too shrewd not to attack me about this now.

"Hmm, I thought there was someone in your life too. Anyway, I must return to my abode. Thank you."

Away she flies, leaving me gasping.

She didn't ask. She caught it but didn't ask.

Maybe the little creep wasn't so bad after all.

I grimace as I think of reality.

I'm coming, I'm COMING.

An Attempt.

2010-01-09T22:42:00.000+05:30

An almost invisible haze

Makes its way through all the cars

Lining the morning streets

Prepared to claim the roads for hours.

Walk through the streets early on

And something inside you wakes

To heal and make you happy

A lung-full of air is all it takes.

The world begins to scurry

On through the calming haze

That vainly attempts to heal them all

As they ignore it and walk away.

Near the stations it's like a flood

There's hardly any air to breathe

Only saddening, stony faces, set

To brave the daily stampede.

This fleeting, daily glimpse of life

Surely fades out of your mind

As you get down at your destination

Once again, in the race, to the grind.

Sleep (?) On It

2009-10-19T15:35:00.000+05:30

Alisha sat with her friends, all of them pretending to have nodded off, but she knew...
Not a single one of them was asleep. They were all thinking, dreaming, hoping, wishing. It was that time of year. The slight nip in the air, the air of breathless waiting, nobody was immune to the charms. Besides, the chick flick they'd just seen had put an end to any thoughts otherwise. They were all thinking of the view outta their rose tinted glasses.
Even Alisha couldn't resist thinking wistfully that life should be a fairytale.

A soft sigh followed by an equally softly voiced query was the cue they were waiting for. And what a question it was. Beautiful, Alisha noted, specially given the time and all.

"What's the perfect guy anyway?"

Discussions ensued.

Later, they all finally did fall asleep, and Alisha was the owl on duty.

She never felt sleepy after thinking like she had been.
The question only brought one image to mind, and it was the stock image that she'd been wishing and hoping for since she could remember.

Maybe because it was just easy. Maybe it was the truth.

She didn't care.

Sunday

2009-09-26T07:29:00.000+05:30

Ashlee sat up and ruffled her hair.

And it hurt. It hurt him like a knife twisting in his gut. She was totally oblivious to his presence and she looked content and even happy. He wasn't a sadist, but he wished that he could see some sign of her missing him.

He sighed as he thought of what he had to do now. He did not like the possible scenario that was enfolding in front of him. Physical harm would be easy to bear, but he knew she wouldn't resort to something as easy as all that. She could achieve so much more by sitting and smiling like an angel and verbally assaulting him within an inch of his life. And besides, it was a public place.

He shook himself and took courage, or what remained of it, with both hands and stood up in a firm motion and moved towards the empty seat next to Ashlee. A second's hesitation, and he dropped down next to her and turned behind to catch the conductor's eye. He was counting the seconds...

"What on earth are you here for?"

He grinned despite himself, it had taken a lot longer than he'd thought. She hadn't been expecting to see him ever again, though, so maybe that was it.

"Oh hello, Ashlee! How nice to see you. On the way to college?"

She just looked at him. Damn her, she knew that blank look freaked him out, he never knew what was going on in her head.

"You know, girls these days are getting ruder and ruder. They don't even reply to social small talk."

It was like he'd hotwired her. The blank look vanished and she narrowed her eyes a trifle. He winced.

Maybe the blankness had been better. He knew her well enough by now to know that what came after that look was not going to be pleasant. Not for him, at any rate. Maybe it would be fun for any audience, should she desire his public humiliation.

He heaved a mental sigh. He did deserve some part of it.

She seemed to physically control herself. She opened her mouth and he braced himself. Here it comes...

"I didn't know you were in town. Why didn't you call ahead?"

His jaw dropped. He knew it must have, not that he knew much at the time. Shock does that to you.

"Huh?"

She smiled at him sweetly. "Social small talk?"

He returned the smile half heartedly. Oh Lord, something was wrong. Very wrong, and he shuddered to think about what it might be that would change her so completely.

"Huh. Yeah. Uh, it was a last minute decision. I just caught a bus and then called home. Then didn't have balance, as usual."

She leaned against the window and nodded towards the road speeding by. "I know, as usual."

They continued in the same vein. Stilted, extra-careful, impersonal, formal, even. And the bus continued in its carefree way, completely ignorant of the fact that something was so very wrong in the world that it could well even be the end of civilization.

It reached their stop and they both stood up and struggled to the exit.

Standing outside, breathing pure, un-sweaty air again, he looked down at the top of her head. She was replacing her headphones in her bag as methodically as always, head bent, fingers carefully twining her precious earphones.

"Ashlee! It's been a while. You look all New York-y and stuff."

He rolled his eyes. Oh gee, all New York-y and stuff! How cute! He waited to see Ashlee's response. She was sure to cut this chap down, after all, he knew she prided herself on her cosmopolitan uniqueness.

She smiled at the newcomer. "Thanks. What're you doing here? It's a holiday. Sleep!"

"Nah, not a chance, with the drama fest coming up and all that. Why didn't you try out?"

His jaw dropped. She was talking to this dude like she had been talking to him all morning. What was going on with her??

That's when it hit him.

She WAS punishing him.

The semi-formality, the careful politeness. It was all a way of distancing herself.

That's how she dealt with all the people she didn't want to talk to but felt too bad to be blatantly brusque with.

The smart ass.

He'd show her she couldn't fool him for long.

The retarded conversation ended and they continued on their way.

"So, you're mad at me, huh? Is that what this random mood of yours is about?"

She faced him, eyes blazing.

'Uh oh.' Flew across his brain.

This was not the best way to face the beast.

He realized how mad she really was.

He also realized he was history.

Truthfully..?

2009-09-07T22:32:00.000+05:30

You see the world through rose tinted glasses

My shades are fogged up by sleep

It seems no matter how hard I try

The good mood I wake up with won't keep.

The weather is hellish at best

Rain lashing anything and all

Gloom descending all around us

And a struggle to fight tear-fall.

Optimism, long worked on, is failing

All I want is to go home to mum

Practicality to hell, I'm past caring

I'm crying, I just want to go home.

I miss you so much everyday

Mumma come get me, please.

Take me back home, I don't care where

I'm tired, I don't want to stay.

Another two years to go at the least

But even then I can never again

Go back and live like I used to

The time's long gone now, and sorely missed.

Warning, Danger

2009-08-28T23:14:00.000+05:30

Never yet of cabbages and kings

The mind cannot go far

How can it disconnect thus

When things are as they are?

The modern child of Eden

Couldn't frolic free

Amidst the clouds that cover joy

So how can someone like me?

A hundred worries in my head.

And yet, a smile in place

Is the motto followed everywhere

So that troubles avoid your face

But human beings are fragile

They must express what's stored

I picked my blog to vent at ease

And not worry about who's bored

Yet along came a few

Who think I write for them

They prod and tease my writing

Till I mistrust my pen

A final message to all of you

I know you know who you are

Next time unbidden you mock my work

You'll feel my displeasure from afar.

~_~ All Mine ~_~

2009-08-11T23:53:00.000+05:30

Alisha looked at the guy next to her and let out a silent breath.

She had a niggling feeling that she still cared way too much than was good for her.

He suddenly turned sideways and looked at her. She looked back. They both grinned at each other. It was what they did. They understood what the other thought, they finished each other's sentences, they looked out for each other when required and they laughed at stuff that nobody got.

She had loved him for three years now, and he had fallen for other chicks. He'd always known about her, and she'd known that. They'd remained some sort of friends.

She sighed again.

The train rattled on and she swore to herself that this day, these ultra special moments would never make it to the ears of her friends. They'd never get it.

They were her special days, and she'd cherish them in the way she wanted without other people making her rethink her bliss.

She folded the memories and put them away in lavender.

For a rainy day.

Welcome Break In The Clouds

2009-07-25T01:34:00.000+05:30

As this blogger stretches in luxury at the end of a day to be envied, she reflects that it isn't often that such glittering days surprise you in the middle of dull and dreary monsoon hours, and thus decides that it was worth blogging just to remember for the next dark and dreary day (possibly the very next one).

Oh what we miss when the sun's shining all day,
We curse the bright light that tans
We wish for the rains to come cool our way
We don't know what we miss till clothes must be dried by electric fans

The sun doesn't shine here anymore
It's taken a sabbatical and has left us bereft
In a world filled with water, soaked to the core
Where there's not a single dry spot left.

Every morning we awake to grey
To sounds of pouring rains and high wind
We sluggishly move through the sleepy day
The moisture seeping beneath our skins

The monotony of the schedule is killing
Specially at unearthly hours of the morn
The stress on us visibly telling
Discontented gazes perpetually worn.

Till one day out of the dark
Comes the shining gold of the sun
And the singing sounds of a million larks
And the opportunity to be dry for once

And all the drooping faces lift
And the world seems like a better place
I thank Providence for the generous gift
And like a sunflower, towards the sun I face.

It's a memory to keep safe in a corner
Something to remember in low times
So when you're blue you can remember
What it's like when the sun shines.

Oblivious

2009-07-21T23:00:00.000+05:30

When the phone rings and I hear your voice
I could say the birds start singing
I could say bees buzz in tune
I could say laughter is bubbling
If I could hear anything but you.

When I hear you laugh or see you smile
Colours could look better
The sun could feel like smiling
Sunsets could burn for longer
But I wouldn't know a thing.

For the short time we were together
The moon could well have vanished
The sky could have fallen down
Time could well have stopped
For all that I'd have known

To have your arms around me
I could wait a long, long time
I'm going on through life, though wishing
To have the right to call you mine
And that you reciprocate my feelings.

Desperation

2009-07-15T22:57:00.000+05:30

I laugh a little, smile a bit
In this movie in which I sit
It's like a surprise interval
I spend my nights gazing at the dark
Wondering when the world became so stark
Wishing the heartbreak would finally dull.

I listen to songs on the radio
Hoping something would cause the tears to flow
That stay stocked and burn behind my eyes
I watch movies with happy ends
I grin and bear stuff for my friends
And cover tears yet unshed with lies.

I try to reason that you don't care
That it doesn't matter that I'm not there
And I'm afraid I might just be right
But a little lovelorn part of me
Wants to hear you say you care for me
And thus continues another endless chain of sleepless nights.

Anyone Else But You

2009-05-17T23:58:00.000+05:30

The bed buzzed again.

Determined, I ignored it. It was late, I needed my sleep. "After all," I mumbled, "I'm a growing girl. I need to get my sleep."

The bed buzzed for the umpteenth time. "Ugh.." I groaned as the light shone through my eyes. I couldn't hide the damn thing because I needed to be able to hear it's annoying, loud, raucous alarm tone in the morning.

I just compromised.

3 New Messages. "Useless efficient cellphone network. Can't you lose them or something?"

I sighed as I read them. Repetitive.

I decided to just answer them all at once.

"Al, hi."

He was surprised as hell.

"Yeah, uh huh, I couldn't get to sleep coz of all the buzzing and light. So listen good, and think up any doubts on the double."

He gathered his wits about him long enough to chuckle.

"I wanted to meet you, please?"

I let out an impatient breath. "I thought I said listen. So listen. No, you cannot meet me unless you want me to attack you. No, I'm not a gibbering idiot, I'm fine. Anything else? Um, no. So goodnight."

I cut the call. Then redialled.

"I'm really happy for you. I was hoping you'd get this break, you really deserve it and loads more and better."

I heard Al's indrawn breath on the line and said goodnight again in a hurry.

As the light vanished, so did my veneer of toughness. I was happy for him, Al had gotten what he'd wanted and he would do well. But I would miss him like I'd miss my shoes.

It seemed lately, like all my shadow warriors were slipping away from me and I didn't appreciate it.

Al was important to me, more than I liked to admit, and he was leaving me. Nobody would understand my hurt and our position. We weren't together, we were just friends who knew I would do lots and more for him. It wasn't the ideal footing, but I was okay with it.

He knew that I'd be there for him no matter what, and it was up to him to take advantage or not, as he saw fit.

I stifled a sob and turned up the rock song I'd let my sister load for me. I needed to sleep tonight, another sleepless night and I'd be a walking corpse.

Al would have a good journey without me awake to wish him good cheer and following winds.

Dawning

2009-05-07T15:26:00.000+05:30

I always thought perfection was
something that happens over time
You're lucky if you get it right
So I thought, until I saw that smile.
It blew away the blues so far
And it worked every single
took over my mind so that
I wished that I could call it mine.

But here I am
A simple
from the glitter of your world
Would I have to change
To make it matter
Who I am inside?

I see you talk to those I know
And they tell me that you're sweet
I wish that I could talk to you
Everytime I try I get cold feet
You're followed by that troupe of girls
The ones from a magazine cover
And when they turn to look my way
My confidence drops lower

Coz here I am
A simple girl
Away from the glitter
Of your world
Should I have to change myself
To have you
See me for what's real?

The time I had is ending
Nothing's happened, nothing will
I'm just trying to forget you
You just didn't fit the bill.
I wouldn't change to suit you
No matter what the stakes
It's something I just cannot do
A mistake I don't need to make.

Coz here I am
A simple girl
Removed from the glitter
Of your world
I've learnt that if you cared enough
You'd have seen me
For me.
That I don't have to change a thing
Just to make you like me..

Intervals

2009-05-03T00:42:00.000+05:30

Your number flashes on the screen

I pretend not to see it, I'm angry.

You've driven my patience over the edge

I'm so messed up I can't see

I think with my heart not my head

Your voice echoes in my ears

I want to talk to you a lot

But my eyes remember the tears.

I'm so lost for what to do

I don't know what to say

Was it me or was it you?

What decision I should take.

I thought that what you meant to me

Was what I meant to you

And there I was, where we should have been

Liking the 'one' much better than 'two'.

I was watching the birds flit through the trees

The evening was pretty and quiet

Then you came and sat right next to me

How easily my heart ran riot.

You whispered you're sorry, took my hand in yours

And told me you missed my touch

I looked in your eyes, the anger forgotten

And replied that I missed you as much.

Invisibility Cloak

2009-03-11T18:19:00.000+05:30

The quiet one.
The boring one.
Oh, THAT one.
Who?
Never seen her.
Yeah, you have.
I remember YOU
But you know everyone.
Why would you REMEMBER me?
I hide amongst others
Being noticed is not my field.
I'm a human chameleon
Can you see me?
No, you can't.
I'm invisible.

Undead Memories

2009-03-10T22:24:00.000+05:30

I know that you will read this
And trash all that I say
You'll wonder how I've managed
To let you make me feel this way
I wonder how I'd let myself
Fall so far apart
I wonder what would have happened
If we hadn't met that day after dark

You were an angel of the fallen kind
Feathers clipped and earth ridden
You said that you were stuck that way
Till your sins had been forgiven
You were searching for the wrongs you'd done
So you could put them right
How could I say I was scared to turn away
And find you've passed on with the night.

How do you tell someone
You care that they're sad
How do you make me feel
Happy when I'm mad
How do you hold it in
When I'd just want to scream
How could I keep smiling
When I was shaken by your dreams.

Everytime we spoke you said
You'd found another wrong
You always looked so happy,
It's how I could stand it for so long
The closer you got to your goal
My nights resembled hell
I'd wake up shaking from horrible dreams
I knew every morning you could tell.

The day dawned cold and rainy
You turned up at my door
You were radiant, you were free
I swear, my heart hit the floor.
We went out in the rain,
The water hid my panic
Even in that state of mind
You were some kind of tonic

The day ended all too soon
You dropped me to my door
I mumbled goodbye and bon voyage
My heart cracking at the core.
Your angelic sense of hearing must have caught the sounds
Of me picking up all I could find and tossing it around.
I wonder how I spent that night, I just can not tell
It seemed like you left me and took my sleep as well.

I woke with the sun coming in
Cringing at the thought
Of living the day without you
I felt adrift and lost.
The phone was ringing by my head
I wondered who it was
I answered it and heard your voice
I still claim that my heart stopped

You were crying over the phone line
And laughing too, as you asked
How I thought you'd leave me
How I could believe my emotions were masked
The world looked so much nicer
The sun and birds were glad
I couldn't live without you, my angel
I'm sure we'll both go mad.

Board Time Spurt

2009-02-27T20:03:00.000+05:30

She sat in the crowd of a hundred and ten

Knowing she was forgettable.

She knew she'd wish otherwise when

You walked up from your place to the table.

She doesn't recall a word that you said

Before you're offended, hear this.

The minute she saw you, sense flew from her head

And you flew to the top of her list.

No way is she an angel, quite the opposite, in truth.

The nerdiness all a well planned act

She wants someone 'Who loves you for you'

To hike with her off all beaten tracks

At the end of the class, as everyone left

She looked around to where you had been

She sighed as the hug from the girl on your left

Made you smile which made her world spin.

She drowned her sorrows in food for a year

And then made up her mind to forget you

This time, it worked, sans regrets, sans tears

And now you're back, screw you!

Patheticker

2009-02-10T12:35:00.000+05:30

Saw you yesterday

Sitting in the arches, with a book

Reminded me of the first time I saw you

With a book, eyes on the ground

You talked to us, eyes on the ground.

Then again, but so different.

Shirt and jeans. I remember.

That was what made me gasp.

You, your shirt, your jeans, your smile.

I was lucky to leave dignified.

Trembling, ears red, I tried to shake it off.

Too bad, I couldn't let go.

Obsession

2009-02-10T12:28:00.000+05:30

Call me crazy, call me what you want
But call me, or else
I think I'll really lose my mind.
I say I'm over you, I've told you a million times.
In the back of my mind, a voice
Laughs at all the lies.

Voices from the Past

2009-02-05T21:24:00.000+05:30

Alisha sat up in alarm, breathing hard. She pushed the sheets and her special pillow away.

Her hands were shaking.

This was the third time in the past two days that she'd had this dream. The raucuous laughter, the same voice from the darkness. Those arms reaching out, pulling Al away from her.

She shivered.

As she tried to get back to sleep, she could hear the laughter around her. Frustrated, she plugged her headphones in to her cellphone, deciding to calm her nerves with some music.

The song began to play. Horrified, she heard the same melody that the voice had been humming. She changed the station.

And again.

She could have screamed. Was there only one soundtrack that they could play?

She switched off her cellphone and kept it away.

Suddenly, it buzzed. Alisha almost screamed.

It was Al.

"Al.." She almost sobbed into the phone.

"Alisha? What's wrong? Alisha?" Al was worried. Alisha smiled hearing the care in his voice. It also made her cry more, remembering the dream.

"Al, I'm scared. Al, he called again. I didn't answer, he messaged. Al, he said he'd hurt you."

Al sighed. She could tell he was really angry. "Alisha, don't worry ok? He won't do anything to me. And he can't touch you."

Alisha sighed. "You're right. I'm being silly. Thank you, I'll see you in the morning, ok?"

Al smiled, she could hear it. "I'll meet you outside your building. I love you."

Alisha smiled, and put the phone back.

The darkness wasn't so scary anymore.

Dawn

2009-01-29T00:20:00.000+05:30

"All that I wanted today was to feel good about myself, and to have a good time." Alisha moaned through her sobs. She was lying on her bed, tears continuously stealing past her tired eyelids. She took off the headphones on her ears, scared that she would break the only remaining link to her sanity.

Her body continued to shake because of the crying. "Why does this happen to me? Is there something wrong with me?" She managed.

The scene played itself out again, as it had been for the past hour.

The accusing glare, the hurtful words.

Again, and again, and again.

She turned and screamed into her pillow. "Kill me, please. Everyone's better off that way. Please." She ended with a whimper.

She sat up and looked outside the window. "I know you do things that all make sense in the grand scheme of things, and I have no doubt that you're looking out for everyone's interests. But why do you make me go through these things so many times?"

The black inkiness outside made her heart ache more.

Alisha, the one with the nerves of steel, and the sarcastic wit. Alisha, the one who was supposed to be the practical, smart, sensible one.

Alisha had secrets that could laugh at all those titles.

And bad habits of which she had proof that was yet to fade away.

And that night she felt the need for the distraction that she had given up so many months ago. She clenched her fist and closed her eyes. "It's not the right way, not the right way." She chanted to herself.

She remembered the knight in shining armour who ahd helped her the last time. He wasn't here now, he had trusted her enough to agree to forget about her habit. She couldn't let him down, she couldn't let herself down.

Alisha closed her eyes and sighed.

She promised herself that it was high time she changed. She was too caustic, sceptical, sarcastic, and sharp tongued to be a nice person. It wasn't a coincidence that all this was happening to her.

There was a reason. She remembered her friends looking on quietly. They had agreed with every word that was thrown at her. Not just that night, but every accusation over time.

She was a mistake.

She was the misfit.

She had no right to talk about anyone else.

She was the bitch.

~~~

2009-01-26T15:01:00.000+05:30

I agree, I totally agree.

That such a spoilt brat I be.

I only like you when you

Become what I want you to be.

When I don't get a call I feel angry

And when you call I wish that you hadn't.

When you say things to me I feel hurt

Offended and pissed off and curt.

Oversensitive and touchy I be.

Overbearing and useless to boot.

Never say what I mean, I pretend.

And expect you to comprehend.

It pinches when you finally flip

And tell me just where to go.

And though I'm all ready with excuses

My conscience believes you, it twinges.

I know that you're right, and I'm wrong

(Just this once, don't you get all excited)

And the next time I promise I'll mean it

When I say I will, I will call.

You DO always take the initiative

And I'm sorry to just let it be

But I guess that it's time to confess it

I'm scared and that's all there is to it.

I'm scared of the awkward silence

Of the possibility of blanking out.

I'm scared that I'll call you and bore you

I'm scared you'll get bugged and bail out.

So now that you know my neurosis

I'm selfishly crossing my fingers

And hoping that you overlook this

In the absence of any more triggers.

I hope that the next time I can

Take courage firmly in hand

And pick up the phone and dial

And maybe talk more than a while...

IT

2009-01-12T22:24:00.000+05:30

I know I shouldn't do it.
I know it's wrong, I can see.
I know that all I'm doing is
At the end of the day hurting me.
Everytime I say I'll stop
And that this time will be the last.
But as always, a moment of weakness
Makes it get out of hand so fast.
I want to stop. I really do!
But somewhere, deep down, I'm scared.
The day I stop this, another awaits.
And that, again, I couldn't bear.

Specially for you, A.

2009-01-12T22:02:00.000+05:30

Alisha sighed as she heard her alarm go off. She buried deeper under her blankets, wishing that she could just keep burrowing and vanish altogether. The past few weeks had been killing. It was all she could do to get out of bed in the mornings. She groaned to herself as she heard the rhythmic tap of her sister's shoes heading her way. Shaking her sheets off, she gingerly looked out of the window, praying that it was raining. It was bright and sunny.
She wanted to flop back into bed.
Things were just unbearable, and school was worse.
Somehow, she pulled through her routine and left the house. As she neared the school, the growing noise of chatter which used to make her happy at one point in time seemed to push her back. "I really don't wanna enter that building." She moaned.
"Me neither." She screamed at the suddenness of the whisper.
Whipping around, she saw Dan. "Oh. It's you. Let's ditch, Dan, please?"
Dan shook his head. "Not this morning, Alisha. We both have important forms to fill, and besides, you don't want to give anyone a reason to suspect you more, right?"
Alisha sighed, and flopped down on the bumper of a parked car. "Guess not." She mumbled.
Dan looked down at her bent head, and swore under his breath when he saw a shudder pass through her body. She always hid her tears that way. All you could see was an occasional shudder. He reached a sudden decision.
"Tell you what. Get through the day, and I'll take you to meet this friend of mine. He's come down for the weekend, I guarantee you'll like him."
Alisha raised her head and smiled at Dan. That was the very reason that she'd become so close to him in the first place. He made her feel like she was a person, not another 'chick'. And that's why she had fought with her boyfriend as well. He just didn't understand why she needed to talk to any other guy when he was around. Or when he wasn't. And he'd taken special offence to Dan for some reason, and he'd planted the seeds of doubt in the mind of Dan's girlfriend. She had gathered all her friends together and in front of the whole class yelled at Alisha for stealing her boyfriend from her.
Alisha cringed at the memory. It had been almost a month, but it still stung.
And then her so called 'love' had walked up to her and told her that he wasn't interested in someone who wasn't true to him.
Dan had pushed past his girlfriend and walked up to Alisha, taken her hand, and led her to a desk. He had sheltered her from curious onlookers as she broke down, and had taken her to the school sick bay and spent the day with her.
His girlfriend hadn't said a thing to him.

Somehow, she walked through the day, just waiting for the day to end. Her teachers frowned as they saw her blankly looking at her books. But they didn't say anything. They had heard about the whole scene.
School ended, and Dan was there to pick her up.
They walked towards his house, two roads behind the school. "So who is this friend of yours that I'm sure to like?" She finally asked him
He grinned at her. "You'll see."
"Aaaargh, Dan. You're mean!!"
They reached his door. Alisha looked and gasped. The most amazing dream was unfolding in front of her eyes. "Ouch." she mumbled as someone pinched her.
"It's not a dream, you dodo. This is.." Alisha cut him off.
"Oh. My. God. You're Al.. Oh. My. God. You're so cute."
Al burst out laughing. "So I've heard. Come in."
Al was a member of a band, resultant of a recent talent hunt. Alisha had been dreaming of him ever since she saw him the first time on TV.
Alisha was ready to run far away, but she allowed herself to be led into the house. Still blushing, she walked numbly into Dan's house.
Dan grinned at her. "I'll get you some coffee. You look like you could do with some." He turned and walked into the kitchen, in direct disobedience to her frenzied eye-signals to stay.

Al walked into the room and looked at the girl lying on the sofa.
She was quite pretty.
Where had Dan found a girl like this? She wasn't the usual types that Dan liked.
He realized that he was staring at her. Oops.
"Uh, so, how did you and Dan meet? I mean, you're not his usual type.." He broke off horrified.
The girl's eyes were filling with tears. "What? Is my breath smelling? What'd I say?"
She laughed, closed her eyes and swallowed. "No, I'm sorry, it's nothing. Oh, Dan and I aren't together." She said opening her eyes.
Al exhaled. "You, are a strange girl." And strong. She had stopped those tears so easily. They weren't surface tears. They were the real deal. He began to feel very protective of this girl. She was the kind of girl that took over your problems and made them seem to vanish.
She grinned at him, it looked even cuter since it was slightly lopsided, and she was single.
"That I am. It's a safety hazard being near me. I'm also supposed to be catching."
Whoa. This girl was amazing. "So you're normally subject to mood swings, crazy comments, and sleeping on my brother's couch?"
She sat up, swinging her legs to the floor with a thump. "You're Dan's BROTHER???"
He backed away slowly. "Uh, yeah. Why? Something wrong with that?" Ok, so maybe she was a little more than strange. But she was cute. He totally wanted to get to know her better.
She was looking at him in shock. "That boy's been holding out on me." She mumbled. "The cutest guy in the world is his brother, and he didn't think of mentioning it." She looked at Al. "You wouldn't think I was freaking out over a small thing if you knew how many times I'd moaned to Dan that I'd die to be with...uh...forget I said anything?"
Al had begun snickering a couple words into her speech. "You'd die to be with me?" He didn't mention that she'd read his expression perfectly. He HAD thought she was overreacting. He raised an eyebrow. This girl was really something. So frank, and funny, and witty. And cute.
Dan walked in. "There you go. Finally, it's done."
Alisha smiled up at him. "Your maid helped you out, didn't she?"
Dan set the tray on a table. "You offend me. I can make great coffee. Al's alive, isn't he?"
Al made a face at Dan. "That's because I spent 17 years of my life making my own coffee, and the rest far, far away from your coffee."
Alisha giggled. "Aww, listen to you two! You sound like a married couple!"
Al had to laugh at the face Dan made. "No worries, little bro. If you're into guys, I'll take Alisha off your hands."
He looked at the girl. She was suddenly not smiling. Her eyes were like a cat's. Slitted.
"Oh wait. Oops. Did I say that out loud?"
Dan looked ready to slug him. "Stay away from her, Al."
Alisha looked at Dan with the cat-look now. "Are you trying to protect me? I'm not a baby."
Al laughed harder. She was really, really fun. He was sure life would be fun with her around.
Dan looked totally scared. "Uh. No, I was just saying, he's a rock and roll type. You know what you always said about them."
Al stored it away in his mind to find out what she'd said about 'rock and roll types'. "Step one first, Al my friend." He muttered. He knew there was a good chance that she'd refuse, but then nothing venture, nothing gain.
"Ahem... If you're both done, I need to finish this off tonight."
He stood up and dusted his jeans. "Alisha, since you're not appreciating Dan's coffee, how about we go get some non-volatile coffee?"
Dan groaned. "I knew it was a mistake to bring her here."
Al looked at him.
Dan was grinning. If he'd minded the least bit, he would have been deadly serious.
Al knew from the look on his face that he'd meant for this to happen all along. Hmm....
But first things first. "Alisha?"
She grinned at him. "You were supposed to forget I'd said anything."
He smiled down at her. "Elephants don't forget. But I'm the one who taught them the mnemonics."
She snorted. "Yeah right."
Dan groaned. "Go already. Let me enjoy my coffee."
Alisha and Al looked down at him. The three of them looked at each other.
They all burst out laughing.
"Sorry little bro, despite that obvious hint, I'm not inviting you along. Enjoy your poison."
Alisha took his hand.
They left.

A few weeks later, sitting under on a slide at a nearby park, Alisha looked at Al standing next to her. "So what, Dan told you to ask me out?"
He grinned. She was so short that standing next to the slide, he was taller than her. Ok, so it was a slide for 5-year-olds. But still.
"You wish, right? But no. Only one of us thinks you need to go out with me."
She laughed.
He heard a gasp. He looked around. There was a group of girls standing at the entrance. "Oh Lord."
Alisha looked behind. "Oh."
Al saw the pain in her face. "Oh. It's them?"
She nodded, and then grabbed his arm. "It was ages ago. Forget it."
Al glared at them. He looked at the girl next to him. She was the nicest girl he'd ever met. And the sweetest. And those people had made her cry.
"Is he there?"
She looked at him with her narrow eyed look.
"No," He hastily said. "I'm just asking."
She cocked her head. "Yeah. He is."
Al grinned. Great. The guy was going to burn in hell for what he'd done. And get a hell of a complex as well.
Slowly, he touched Alisha's cheek and bent down. "Pretend, Princess."
She got it. He chuckled as she put her arms around his neck. "Perfect. But this won't fool him."
She pulled back, looked at him, and then slowly, raised her head, and kissed him.

He felt her smile as there were shocked gasps from the group.
But he didn't care.
The skies were smiling down on him.

Alisha pulled back smiling.
She looked into his eyes. The wonder there made her smile more.
The world seemed brighter.

"Come on. You owe me coffee."

Can I Talk Now?

2009-01-08T11:31:00.000+05:30

I never know what to say to you
So I shut up and let you begin.
I never know what to reply,
Coz I'm sorry, I just couldn't listen.
You know what kills me about you?
I never know what mood you're in.
You mask your emotions so thoroughly
You always put me in a spin.
And every word that I say
Must be thoroughly checked for it's meaning.
Coz I'll never know in which way
It could be rude or demeaning or unwise.
How do I know who you are?
My opinion flip-flops in a heartbeat.
Sometimes you really do bug me
And sometimes you act really sweet.
I guess I'll never know for sure
Who you are, what you are, how you feel.
All I know is the effect of the time spent with you
Will take even longer to heal.

Future Tense.

2009-01-05T21:42:00.000+05:30

"O-M-G!! NO WAY!!"
She rolled her eyes. "OMG, no way." She squeaked.
Dan looked very unamused. "Why do you keep picking on them? I mean, they're only normal girls."
Alisha laughed. "You're kidding me. Just because you have major crushes on the lot of them doesn't mean the rest of us are that lost. Look at them! We have cars, have you ever heard me publicly announcing that fact? Or what about clothes? Would it kill you to wear clothes that DON'T hug every curve? I mean, graphic, not?"
Dan glared at her. "You're just jealous, Alisha. Just because you don't have all those guys interested in your every move. I'll bet you're going to grow up to become one of those crabby, bitter old spinsters with a major chip on your shoulder."
That stung.
Alisha just looked at him.
They'd had such conversations many times earlier, but he'd never been so mean before. Or maybe it was just her being oversensitive. They were standing a little away from their group, but not far enough to hide any disagreements. She would have to control her irritation. She forced herself to smile.
"Yeah, you know what, Dan? I'm totally jealous. But whatever, my life, right? You have fun."
She turned and walked off.
Dan stared after her, mouth slightly open.
She turned the corner.
It was like someone flicked a switch on. "Oh crap." He muttered as her broke into a run.
"Whoaa- crap." he said as he turned the corner and immediately fell to meet the floor.
"Gotcha Danny-boy." He looked up.
Alisha grinned down at him. "Serves you right." She held out a hand.
'To hell with pride' Thought Dan. He took it.
"We're even, then?"
She grimaced. "I'm talking to you, aren't I? Now let's go before someone starts talking."
He laughed. "Let's."
Such was the utopian relationship shared by them. As they walked back, they were closely watched by all eyes. They reached their group, consisting of the very girls who had sparked the discussion, who were now joined by a group of basketball players. Alisha ran into the arms of one of the basketball players, and Dan joined the rest of the group. They were so happy.
Alisha was with a guy she loved, Dan was focussed on his studies and the two of them were the voice of practicality and the strain of fantasy in the group.
Too bad nobody understands such close friendship in the present day scenario. There's no trust between the two halves of a couple, there's no trust in the basic principles of friendships, a guy can turn on his best friend, his girlfriend, and vice versa, this is not a sexist piece, all in the name of 'love'.
Right.
This is the present generation, the one that is supposed to rebuild the world, the very people who hold the keys to the peaceful, amiable, tolerant future of the world.
Now I know why the future is said to be bleak.

Ignorant

2008-12-31T13:47:00.001+05:30

"I can't believe I let him make me feel this way." She rubbed off the tears that rolled down her cheeks and glared at the sky.

"Why'd you let me get in so deep? Why don't I feature in his list of things he'll always remember? You know, I've never been important enough for anyone to remember. Why'd you let me think that it could finally be him?"

Somehow, yelling at the sky calmed her down. Sitting up, she rubbed her eyes again, free of all trace of moisture. Ruefully, she looked up "I'm sorry." It was a whisper, but it counted.

She rummaged in her bag, pulled out her brush, untangled her mane and put it back. She finished off her water, tossed the bottle into the bag, and stood up.

The phone rang. "Hello?"

It was him. "Yeah, I'm actually running errands for my mum. Can you call later? Bye."

She didn't wait for a reply. Switching off her phone, she walked off.

Ignorance is bliss, right?

You.

2008-12-26T14:19:00.000+05:30

I want to sweep you off your feet
with unrivalled wit and charm
Though I'm lucky if I manage
Ten minutes with you, quiet and calm.
I thrill to hear your compliments
However trivial and small
Of the few that I've received
Yours surpass them all
I know you mean just what you say
Which makes it much more precious
I won't say no more, don't want to kill
The magic we have between us.

Waiting....

2008-12-26T14:16:00.000+05:30

You said you'd call in two-three days
You had to say that, did you not?
You better know because of that
I'll be waiting by the clock.
Every second passing by
Will fill my heart with joy and dread
And every hour I'll wonder why
You didn't call today instead.

Confusion

2008-12-26T14:04:00.001+05:30

I don't know what to say to you, I don't know how I feel.

All I know is, when I talk to you, the word happy seems more real.

I wish I could put a tag on it, I wish that I could know

What to call this feeling, what it means when I feel so.

I'd like to think I love you, I'd like to tell you that.

I'd like to sit and wonder if sometimes you love me back.

But that seems so scary, and somehow not so right

And I don't want to take a risk, no matter how small or slight.

I can't say what it is, nor why I need you so much

All I know is, it's important to me that we stay in touch.

Maybe someday it'll fall in place and I'll finally guess it right.

All I hope is that, that day comes soon, I can't take more sleepless nights.

Total Pointlessness

2008-12-24T21:56:00.000+05:30

I stay up late to think of you
Describing you to the stars
Then fall asleep and dream of you
Of fun and frolic past
To think of you in the grey of dawn
Is just right if rightly timed
To stop talking of you on and on
I embraced the life of a mime.
When I left the house with a smile in my eyes
People turned away and groaned
They ran from me like rats and mice
And left me on my own
I'm not complaining, no way!
I love the life I'm living.
Which brings me to what I wanted to say
Life as a mime is strangely relieving.

The End of an Era

2008-12-24T21:42:00.000+05:30

It was so hard to walk away
To turn my back and leave
My feet were strangely heavy
I was trembling at the knees.

It was so hard to walk away
To leave you sitting there
Your oblivion and disinterest were
Almost too much to bear.

It was so hard to walk away
Knowing in my heart
It could be the last time today
No more would cross our paths.

It was so hard to walk away
I'm going to miss you loads
Agreed, I only knew you by
An exchange of a handful of words.

It was so hard to walk away
Though I've done it since we met
I'd think by times I'm over it
Thank God I never bet.

It's so hard to watch you walk away
My heart is torn in two
One part wants to stand and watch
The other refuses to.

It was so hard to turn and walk
Through the wooden doors
It's always hard, no doubt of it
Though it's generally me that goes.

I watched you walk away from me
Crying in my mind
I wish that I'd had longer
Somehow, somewhere, more time...

After Dark

2008-12-23T21:46:00.001+05:30

He's right there
He knows you're staring
That smile...
That guy.
Grabbing that hand
Would be a dream come true
The dream recurs
That guy.
Across the hall
Surrounded by his 'fans'
Which will he pick?
That guy.
Cut to the dream
He notices me
That smile...
He walks over and says Hi
"I dream of you."
I gape. Those eyes...
"I do too.."
That's it. All it took.
Inseparable never..!
Dream over...Wake up.
Never, never, never...
It echoes.
He looks, I look
He moves away, on with his life
That guy.

SCAVI Musings

2008-12-23T21:44:00.000+05:30

Flip, flop.
Everytime I reach a conclusion about you
You turn around and mix me up again.
Flip, flop.
Sometimes an in-your-face loser not worth my time
But then someone who's deeply hurt and needs time.
Flip, flop.
Two-faced, back-stabbing, untrue
Desperate, shy, unsure.
Flip, flop.

Why do you confuse me so much?
Everytime I feel like talking to you, I get pushed away.
Is it an act? Or is it for real?
I can't play these games, I don't get it.
Why do I care?
I don't know.

Wish I didn't.

Of the OG and the OC

2008-12-23T21:40:00.000+05:30

I'll remember it forever
Standing in the hallway
Looking up across the crowd
You took my breath away.

A shaking of my shoulder
Jolted me awake
I turned back over and over
As I had to walk away.

That night as I lay awake
I pictured you again
Those eyes, that smile that conquers
Leaving vanquished in their wake.

The chant seems ever playing
As you make your daily 'Calls'
Never left alone at all
While walking down the halls.

How I envy your 'mobbers'
The lucky chosen few
The rest would have to scream and wave
To get noticed by you.

As the year comes to a close
We sigh deeply, so sad
This year has ended, you must leave
The grief will drive us mad.

It would probably have been better
If I hadn't fallen so hard
But what can be done, it's now too late
You have to travel far.

The halls will seem so empty
The rooms will seem so huge
Ah well, that's life, it's better if
The silver linings we choose.

I'll always remember Aicha
Though I doubt if you recall
The interview that fateful day
That began it all.

Flying Without Wings

2008-12-23T21:38:00.000+05:30

I dream of a town in the clouds
Of flying past horizons and back
I could swim with the dolphins, sing witht the birds
And travel on my chosen track.
I'd be responsible to none
Do just what my heart desired
Dance in the rain, fly over the rainbow
Sleep under the stars when I tired.
No worries to muddle my head
Clear skies till the eye can see
Storms? Not a problem, they can be outrun
Light and sound never bothered me.
I could sail all the seven seas
Watch sunsets throw light on new cities
Converse in six tongues, and mix them all up
Yet make every thought sound pretty.
No worries, no fears
No curfew to stick to
And nothing to stand in my way
I'd pinch myself hard, make sure it's all true
And that I'm not dreaming in the day.

When I Think Of You

2008-12-23T21:37:00.000+05:30

When the stars are out
And the moon smiles down
I think of you.
When the sky lights up
With fiery splendour
I think of you.
When the sea shines bright
Be it sunshine or starlight
I think of you.
When tears fill my eyes
Sorrow, laughter or surprise
I think of you.
When I gaze at the clouds
With a smile in my eyes
I'm thinking of you.
But when I'm not
I look at you and hope to see
You thinking of me....
Love,
Me.

What Happened Next (I Don't Care If You Don't Want to Know)

2008-12-23T21:35:00.000+05:30

Alisha sighed and lay back on her bed, grinning.
She had just finished giving her ears a complete workout.
Any phone conversation with her best friends, if important news was to be relayed, was stressful on the ears. She mentally thanked her stars that she was across the country from her psychotic best friends. She could well imagine how many times she might have been setting herself up for a perfect murder victim if she'd been within strangling distance.
This one took the cake, though. She was pretty sure that if she'd been even a day's walking distance from her friends, they would have made the trip and killed her. And then brought her back to get the juicy details..
She grimaced at the shock in their voices. They were justified, she'd never even hinted at any upcoming crush, so this was admittedly a little shocking. She laughed again, remembering the initial wariness in their voices. All she had said to each one of them was "Hi. Hold a minute, I have something to talk to you about." They'd thought she was dying or something.
Telling them had been one of the worst things she'd had to do. But how could she have done it any other way? She couldn't have warned them, not knowing what was about to happen herself. And she hadn't wanted to talk about him at all for fear of sounding typically soppy. All she would have talked about would have been how he was the sweetest rat this side of the sewers, and how he made her howl with laughter when he made his stupid speeches, and how he made her so mad at will that her ears turned red, and how he had serenaded her under her classroom window that one time when she'd been really pissed at him, and how she had been so sure that someone like that would definitely end up with one of those dumb blondes you see in movies.
She pinched herself again. She'd been systematically pinching herself since that amazing revelation under their tree. Her face sobered as she remembered the stupid prank that brought it on. She'd wondered a million times what would have happened if she hadn't managed to get something in her eyes to make them tear up. Oh HE claimed that she'd been crying, but she knew better. The nerve of the guy to just assume that she'd been crying because of him!
The phone rang. Actually, it vibrated. It was past midnight, and Alisha could just imagine the look on her mum's face if she heard the phone actually ringing at that hour. She checked the number, grinned, and debated with cutting the call. Sighing, she decided against it. He probably wouldn't call back, and then she'd be in a fix. Not that she wanted to talk to him or anything, just that it was rude not to talk to someone when they called you up and all, and if he didn't call back, she would have to, and that would be a total waste of money. "Yeah, what?" She added a yawn for good measure. A chuckle greeted her efforts.
"I know you're awake, you drama queen. And very much so. At least turn off the music the next time you try to pretend to sleep."
She cursed. "I fell asleep while it was playing..?" She tried.
"Nice try, idiot. Not buying it."
She grinned in the darkness. "So, since we've proved that I was awake, and you're supremely satisfied with yourself, we can now go to our respective beds and catch some..uh..beauty sleep on my side, and whatever you do to keep looking so hideous."
A sigh. "Hideous, huh, brat? You're attracted to hideous guys?"
"You know it." She replied.
He chuckled again. "God, I can't imagine I was too scared to talk to you before today. I don't know what I'd do without our bakwaas."
Her mouth would have dropped open, but she was lying in bed, and it was gravitationally impossible. "Scared..?"
He heard the scepticism. "Yeah, well, I'm human."
She laughed, "Yes, quote me...I predict, child, one day, I shall rule your mind..!!"
They both laughed. "Rule my mind, huh? What are you, some kind of alien being?"
"Gah....Still hung up on your Animorph-thingies? When will you grow up?!"
"When you grow out of your swings and slide stage."
"Effective quencher. You're learning fast.." She grinned again. Lord, what was happening to her? She wasn't ever a grin-to-myself-in-the-dark kind of person.
"You know.." She mused "I think I'm ill. Majorly ill. Like it should be entered in the world record books that I'm still talking."
Another laugh. What was wrong with the guy, didn't he care that she was probably dying of some freakish disease??
"What is it now, fool? You know you're only happy because you're with me, and you actually mean something to me, and all that kinda stuff. You girls are all the same!"
She sat up in a hurry, bedsheets flying everywhere. "You total rat. You don't even know what I was going to say! Of all the egoistic assumptions...!! I'm not in the mood to talk to you anymore. Goodnight."
She cut the call, muttering to herself about self-satisfied jerks who never took the time to listen to others and had to always be so sure of themselves. She turned off the music, put on her headphones, connected her cellphone, and started flipping frequencies.
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........
Damn phone. She cut it.
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..............
Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz................
"Oh alright, what?" She snapped.
"I was right, wasn't I?"
She snorted. "Huh.."
He yawned. "Seriously, I'm sleepy. Tell me so I can get to sleep without having nightmares."
"Goodnight."
She cut it.
She called back.
"Yeah, very right. Now will you stop bugging me?"
"Sure. But I didn't do anything." She could hear the smile in his voice.
She smiled too. "Right, and I'm the queen of the world. Goodnight, rat."
Another self satisfied laugh. "Goodnight, Queen of the world."

Late Night Brainstorms...The Thunder Kind

2008-12-23T21:32:00.000+05:30

Feet pounding the unevenly paved footpath, music blasting in her ears, she looked like she was gearing up for a big race, or at least for a game of some sort.

In reality, she was hardly paying attention to anything. All she was trying to do was erase. She wished she could ignore the pain in her side and keep running. Maybe after a while, it would get mechanical, and she could drift off into numbness. She tried to take a breath and gasped. Time to rest. After all, she'd been out of action for longer than she'd been IN action, her useless body needed to adjust to motion, and get acquainted with Newton, and his numerous laws. She knew she still didn't have the hang of all of them, so she could hardly blame anyone or anything, as in this case for not getting used to them, and especially not at the pace she'd been trying for. She sat down to breathe a little, and as she took a few gulps of the oxygen her brain seemed to be telling her to get more of, all her partially erased files came back in full force. She dropped her head in her hands, and groaned. How could she have made such a fool of herself?? She had always laughed at all her friends who did similar stupid things, telling them that no matter how head-over-heels she was, she'd never stoop to being that desperate. And today, she had bypassed them all....

She wished time would turn back. Mentally cursing Father Time, she decided that Freud was crazy, and that his stupid defence mechanisms were a scam.
"I should sue the guy" she muttered.
"Damn, he's already dead. I'm sure someone killed him, and then justified it..." she finished with a chuckle.
She groaned again as she realized how rubbish that joke was.
"Damn you, what have you done to me?"

She pulled herself to her feet, trying to block out his face and smile from her mind..that smile.... She shook herself. So, he was cute, big deal. There were better cute guys out there. She didn't need him. Tuning out reality, she cranked up the volume on her cellphone. Too late, she realized it was his voice she could hear.
"Damn it all. Why'd I save his stupid amateur songs on my cell?"
Somehow, the delete button wasn't working.
She shut off the music, and walked in the silence for a while, his voice still resounding.
Someone was calling her name. It sounded very, very familiar.
She shook her head again, knowing it was a dream. He couldn't possibly be here.
"Trust you to walk with headphone blasting. Will you get them off??" He sounded amused.
A hand pulled her around. Apparently, the whole world had gone crazy today, including him.
"What? Why are you even here?? I said I was sorry." She growled, not wanting to revisit their last encounter.
He grinned at her, apparently having the time of his life. The little irritating moron-!
Suddenly serious, he stopped her. "Tears? In YOUR eyes?"
Furiously, she rubbed them off, and struggled against his grip. "I AM human."
"I'm sorry, if I'd have known.... Listen...earlier? I was joking. It was all a joke. Please don't be mad at me."
She stopped. "A prank? All that happened, the truth and dare game, the whole thing....that was a PRANK?"
He looked scared now. 'Damn right, he should be.' She thought.
"But I still embarrassed myself. And nobody's going to forget that."
He wiped off the tears that continued down he cheeks. "I definitely won't."
She could have slapped the little rat. "You won't, huh?"
He smiled. "Nope. I'm still pinching myself."
Frozen, she stared at him. No. Way.
"No way.." A whisper...
"Uh huh.. I'd have thought so too. But, sadly, yes way. Deal with it, brat." He grinned at her again, totally getting a kick out of seeing her lost for words.
Turning her around, he guided her towards their tree. Where they'd met, where they'd taught each other important life skills, climbing the said tree and scaring crows just the right way inclusive.
Suddenly, her legs weren't aching that much, the sky was bluer, surely, those birds sounded so cute, and that song....it was heavenly..
She dared any of her friends to laugh, though probably, she'd have laughed along.

She Tries

2008-12-23T21:29:00.000+05:30

Supposedly focused on practical things
Her head in her books and her work
A perfect daughter, a model of sorts
Errands run right, never shirked.

She strives for that standard she's set
Struggling to achieve that perfection
Beset by doubts, ever uncertain
By night she vents to her bed.

All she wants is to lie back and relax
Be known for herself, not her efforts
Once in a while not struggle
Be seen as a person, not a nerd.

Tired of the contemptuous comments
Of always being the loser, the joke
She decided to redo herself
To be accepted by the 'cooler'

danger that everyone faces
Whether a nerd, or a jock or some other
Is in life always trying for
others, always striving harder

Originality, personality, et al
She lost when she completed the change
Now all that remains of her past
Is regret of what might have been.

It Was Her

2008-12-23T21:27:00.000+05:30

The cheeriest face can hide the most broken soul
She tried day after day to appear whole
She hoped and prayed that someone pass
The grin that served her as her mask.

Though her heart ached
With suppressed fear and pain
She faced each day with
A passion always unwavering, ever the same.

She loved with all that she had
Though crushed time and again
She gave her trust to all no matter how less
She had to gain.

Descended from royalty
A dreamer at heart
She spent her life amidst practicality
A perfectly played part

All that now remains of her
A spark in your heart
Helping summon a map of fairyland
Where it all starts.